Everybody Wins

Feel free to skip this blog post if you aren’t interested in amazing deals. Yeah…that’s what I thought. Still here, sucker. I’ve got you hook, line, and sinker…wait! Don’t go! I’m sorry I got cocky. Here’s the deal: for the next week my newest book, George’s Light, will be on sale for $0.99. That’s one penny less than a dollar. (true story: I have no idea how to make the cents symbol) The normal price of the book is $2.99. So yeah, this is quite a deal. I know. I must be crazy, right? Crazy like a fox! In case you were wondering, this is for the Kindle version only. To sweeten the deal, if you order the book at this incredibly low price, I’ll even throw in free same-day shipping to your Kindle reading device. What do you mean that’s how it always works? Shut up. Just click the link already. You know you want to. *waits, stares* *sips coffee menacingly* *chokes on coffee* Also be sure to tell your friends and family. Might be a good way to get in with that boy/girl you fancy too. Just saying. I’ve noticed the way you look at him/her....

How to Improve the Quality of Your Writing

Every day people ask me the same question. I’m walking down the street minding my own business when out of nowhere they start shouting at me, “Oi, Matthew!” (They’re usually British) “Oi, Matthew! How do you go about improvin’ the quality of your writin’, mate?” So, once and for all I shall endeavor to answer that very question right here on the blog. Some of these tips may not work for you or may be somewhat expensive to implement, therefore I in no way guarantee that they will actually improve the quality of your writing. Having said that, here are four guaranteed ways to improve the quality of your writing. * * * ASK READERS TO LOWER THEIR EXPECTATIONS Now this one this one may seem a bit obvious, and you may be kicking yourself for having not thought of it first. But that’s okay. That’s what I’m here for. Simply tell your readers not to hold such high expectations for your book. Have them set the bar so low that even the most mediocre of novels will wow the socks off them. Easy, cheap, and reliable. MAIL AN ANGRY BADGER TO ANYONE READING YOUR BOOK Again, another no-brainer here. Obviously anyone that receives an angry badger in the mail while reading your book is going to see just how much more pleasant your book is by comparison. Angry badger clawing at your face, or a nice relaxing book? Easy decision if you ask me. Just sit back and wait for the good reviews to come rolling in. HIRE BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH TO NARRATE THE AUDIO BOOK This one is a bit cost prohibitive,...

Leave it to the Imagination

There’s something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately. No, not that. I mean, yes, definitely that. But that’s not what I’m talking about. Seriously, get your mind out of the gutter. It’s this… The majority of the stories we take in these days are visual. Movies, television, comics, video games, porn, etc. Books are one of the few exceptions where it’s all on the reader’s imagination to bring the story to life. Some might argue that duty actually rests in the author’s hands (OMG did he say he has doody in his hands?), but I would disagree and say it’s incumbent upon the reader to ultimately sell the story to themselves, no matter how great the descriptions may be. Stephen King has an awesome quote in his book On Writing (which if you haven’t read yet, why the hell are you reading this stupid blog, go read that book now.) It states, simply: “Description begins in the writer’s imagination, but should finish in the reader’s.” I love that. It perfectly summarizes a lot of what I feel about writing, but could never quite articulate because me not so good with words put together. Actually, I could probably just stop this blog post at that. But am I? Hells naw! Basically, my personal acquaintance Stephen King is saying you should leave some things to the reader’s whimsy rather than giving every single detail with nothing left for the old imagination station to crank out. For example, think of it like the banana hammock I wear to the beach…and Wal-Mart. By wearing that, I’ve given you nothing else to...