I always have trouble coming up with names for books and chapters. But paintings? Hell no. I nail it right off the bat every single time. Now it’s been a while since I’ve painted anything, but even so, I was able to come up with a clever name almost by instinct. Hence, I give you: Fence and Trees.
When painting, I always like to start with the background first. Usually that’s the sky. I went with blue for this one. *holds for applause*
Way to go, asshole. You just covered all of that sky with green. Seriously, what were you even thinking? You don’t really have a plan here, do you?
Time to add some trees. This is where the “trees” part of the title comes into play. Also that’s supposed to be a dirt road going into the distance. I mean, maybe squint your eyes a bit and you’ll get the idea. In fact, just squint your eyes from here on…
Well, Matthew, you put all that green in there, might as well try and make it not look like complete puke. We’ll call it grass…and it’s um, “impressionist.” Yeah, that sounds pretty good, actually. Almost like you know what you’re doing. But we know the truth, don’t we?
Leaves. Just add leaves everywhere. Cover the mistakes. Cover all of your crimes against art. Nobody has to know. That’s right, we’re in this together now…wait, what the hell? Is that fence falling over? Were you painting with only one shoe on or something? I just…I don’t even. *walks out, slams door*
And there you have it folks. Another masterpiece by a guy who has no business picking up a paintbrush. I hope you enjoyed this adventure in painting, and maybe, just maybe were inspired to try your hand at doing some art of your own. Until next time, remember: when all else fails, blame it on the paint.